By the time I stepped off the airplane I was feeling better. There had to be a force larger than us that brought V and I together. I made an effort to only feel grateful.
My daughter ran toward me yelling "Mommy" with her little arms wide open. As I bent down to catch her she almost knocked me over squeezing me as hard as she could. "I missed your hugs" I said. I hugged my husband too. "Thanks for taking care of everything; I know it was a lot of work." I said. "It's okay; we always manage when you have to go off for work. We are both glad you are back."
Surprisingly when I faced my husband I did not feel guilty. Actually, I felt guilty for not feeling guilty.
I did not tell him that I was proud of him for keeping himself together that week because it might open up old wounds. He was on an upward swing. He had not had a drink in over a year and had quit smoking. Life was improving for all of us.
Once we were home from the airport I remembered the toy I bought for T. "Honey, look in my suitcase, I brought you something." "Yay!" she screamed as she started unzipping all the compartments."What is it?" "You will know when you see it" I said. "Why do you have all these diet cokes in here?" she asked. "What? Oh I bought a 12 pack and didn't finish them". "Damn V, I'm glad they didn't explode" I thought.
"An alien puppet? cool!" What can I say, she had a million barbie dolls and was usually a girly-girl but she had a fleeting fascination with aliens when she was 10. "Do you like it sweetheart? I didn't have many opportunities to shop." I love it Mommy" she said as she made it dance around.
Life returned to normal very quickly. I convinced myself that as long as no one knows then I did nothing wrong.
I finally spoke to V online the next morning:
Me: Why did you put those sodas in my suitcase silly?
V: I already had them packed when you said to leave them. Were you surprised?
Me: Yeah and so was T when she unpacked them. Good thing they didn't explode
V: Hey I meant to ask you, was there a woman in your class from North Carolina? I carried some lady's bags to the lobby. She was very talkative and the class she was going to sounded like the same one you were in.
Me: Yes, so that was you? She told all of us that you were a gentleman.
Me: Wow, you didn't even make it out of the hotel without hitting on another woman
V: Now you are being silly. I was trying to find the stairs instead of taking the elevator. I didn't want anyone to see me come out of your room. I saw her in the hall struggling so I offered to carry her bag.
Me: It was nice of you to help her. I liked Tonya she was fun. ;]
V: Later I thought I could just have easily carried your bag down and we could have pretended we didn't know each other.
Me: I could never have pretended I don't know you.
V: You are right. I don't think I could have pulled that off either. It was better we said goodbye in private.
V: I have to meet a client soon. I'm glad I caught you online. I am eating one of Aunt Helen's cookies for breakfast.
Me: Haha, breakfast of champions
V: How did it go when you got home?
Me: I maintained my composure. I only cried a little when I was in the shower.
V: Why did you cry?
Me: I don't know really. Last week was a miracle.
Me: Knowing I won't see you again for a long time makes me a little sad.
V: Don't be sad babe, this was only our honeymoon. Remember same time next year. Besides, when your little girl grows up we will have all the time we want.
Me: Thanks sweetheart
V: Be happy woman. We are in love and life is beautiful.
Me: I am happy V. I am grateful and happy.
V: Ok then, enjoy your day.
Me: Can I call you later today?
V: Call anytime babe
Me: I'm definitely smiling now
V: I have to get to work
Me: Ok, I love you
V: Ditto XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxx
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