August of 2001 was moving at a pace faster than I cared for. I was feeling overwhelmed and pressured in every part of my life.
Dad seemed well when we spoke on the phone. He was even doing some traveling for work. I tried to be the good daughter, stay in touch, appreciate the time I do have with him... Knowing a person you love is living on borrowed time is not easy to carry around all the time.
T was about to start fifth grade and she was feeling insecure. Work was hectic, preparing for our first year end close since we implemented this new system. Jack was working sixty hour weeks. He was truly trying to be supportive but he stayed exhausted and wasn't sure what to do. He was bracing himself after the way I reacted when Mom died. V was not around a whole lot and whenever he was he mostly complained about me not having a camera.
I hadn't mentioned to him before that T had a computer game that came with an extremely cheap digital camera because it barely worked. It had no flash, no memory card and no preview screen. The only picture we had been able to see at all was taken in bright sunlight. It had been collecting dust for several months.
Finally I told him I couldn't afford to buy a decent camera but I would try to make this thing work if he wanted me to.. "How long have you had that? Why didn't you tell me? Of course I want you to try it. Next time the weather is sunny go stand in your yard naked and take a picture."
I called in sick the next day. I needed a mental health day anyway. I showered, put on a little makeup and decided to give it a try.
It was incredibly tedious moving lamps and finidng the best lit room to be able see anything at all. Amazingly it did have a 15 second timer.
Of course the hardest part was actually trying to pose and take a picture of myself naked. The camera would hold 4 or 5 pictures and then I would have to connect it to the computer to preview them and delete... After doing that what seemed like 40 times and not seeing anything I thought anyone else could possibly want to see I was ready to give up.
I logged onto aol and found V online.
V: Where are my goodies?
Me: I'm trying... this is even harder than I thought it would be. I have taken at least 50 pictures but they are all terrible
V: Are you standing outside naked? Ask the neighbors opinion. ;)
V: Seriously babe, it's ok if the quality is not good. I will treasure whatever you send.
I hadn't deleted the latest round so I closed my eyes and sent them.
V: There is my sweetheart. You are even more beautiful than I remembered.
V: This was the nicest thing you have done for me in a long time K. I haven't felt this close to you since I kissed you goodbye in miami.
Me: I like the idea of being closer to you <3
Me: Sorry those pictures are so awful.
V: You weren't kidding when you said that camera is crap :)
Me: I warned you
V: Yes you did. You can do better babe, keep practicing.
Me: I will try again another day honey, now I need to get dressed and put the lamps back where they go...
V: Ok babe, I need to work anyway. Enjoy the rest of your day and send more goodies soon. ;)
Me: I love you too
V: I know XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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